It’s been two months and a day since I’ve last poisoned myself with alcohol. The changes I’ve gone through even since my last post are too numerous for me to even keep track of (perhaps I should start journalling nightly?) but in the spirit of showing other alcoholics how much and how quickly one can recover I will do my best to list the biggest ones. I’ll preface the list by saying that I feel like a completely different person from who I was two months ago (even one month ago, to be honest). Prior to my sobriety date, I had been drunk almost every day for the past fifteen years so I had basically stopped maturing at the age of 19. I’m catching up on that FAST.
Financial Burdens -My financial life has done a complete 180. Don’t get me wrong there’s still plenty that I could be upset about: a dead end job that I’m hating more and more with every day that my head clears more, a credit score wrecked by years of childish behavior, my living situation, etc. Those are all things that weighed down on me in the past but now I am making great strides in correcting it all!
- I have two investment accounts set up that already total over $1,000 even on my meager salary.
- I’ve put together a budget that I actually stick to and find enjoyable (I might be becoming a control freak).
- My auto lease expiring was a huge source of stress for me but I was able to lease a new car with almost no trouble at all. It’s not a great car but it’s new and I won’t have to worry about maintenance. Plus when my lease is up in 2 years my credit will probably be stellar.
- I’m very quickly paying off all of my debt. By 2019 I will be completely debt free and will have no more negative marks on my credit history.
Productivity – I get SO MUCH DONE now. My therapist actually told me I might want to slow down and enjoy life more but I assured him that I still find plenty of time for movies and travel. I’m learning piano, getting better at baking (I’m an excellent cook but never really bothered with baking), I read voraciously (and actually remember what I read), and even though I hate my job my performance there has improved tremendously. I was already one of the best employees while hungover, now that I’m sober only Hot Married Girl comes close.
Socially – This is still a struggle for me as I was very introverted prior to alcoholism but, again, I’ve made great strides. Opening up to people still takes some effort but I’m more approachable and am often the first one to break the ice with new people. Moreover, I can actually remember what people tell me about themselves so I don’t seem like some dick who just doesn’t care about anyone else.
Self-Esteem – I am learning to be selfish in a healthy way. Helping other people is still a passion of mine and will do so when it is appropriate but now that I understand my codependent nature I am better able to pick and choose who or what I devote my attention to. If someone burned me in the past I’d shrug it off and continue to follow them around like a lost puppy. Now, aside from close friends and family who might get a few chances, someone who mistreats me is usually dead to me pretty immediately.
Physically – This might have something to do with my self-esteem as well… I am in the best shape of my life. I’ve lost 20 pounds since I quit drinking and have built a decent amount of muscle. I go outside much more frequently so I don’t have that sickly grey computer screen radiation tan anymore. I also care about how I dress and have the energy and focus to make sure my clothes are clean and MATCH (that was a big one in the past, haha).
That’s just scratching the surface and doesn’t really convey how much different I feel because I haven’t really made a record of how I felt BEFORE sobriety… I’ll endeavor to do that in the future. I don’t update this blog as often as I planned to because I’m learning that writing a blog just isn’t that important to sober me. It’s kind of a self-centered, arrogant thing to do in general and those of us in recovery have to be careful about indulging in that sort of behavior. I do want to provide some verbal support to other people struggling with addiction out there though so I will update as often as I have something to say. There won’t be a schedule though.
Til next time!