Coming up on 90.

Almost three months of sobriety down. I don’t count anymore really, I just have an app on my phone that I can check when I feel the inkling. I continue to go through changes both physical and mental even after this much time. It’s not a linear progression; some days are definitely better than others but there is a net positive when all is said and done. More and more I’m discovering what I truly believe in and what my philosophy of life is because I don’t have booze resetting my brain every night. It’s very difficult to maintain a consistent belief system when you’re in a constant fog.

My therapist tells me that he thinks I am bipolar and have ADHD; I’ve always suspected as much. This isn’t any cause to be unhappy or an excuse to wallow in self-pity. On the contrary, it’s good to know what I’m up against so that I can plan around it. There will be times (like this week) that I don’t feel like I have the energy to go to the gym or meal plan or anything productive like that at all. Some people accept that as defeat and let their lives tumble back out of control until they start to drink again. Not me. I am using the knowledge that this is just brain chemistry to fuel me into taking action regardless of how I feel.

My last post was a bit egotistical and that is, of course, one of my biggest challenges. I’ve just about finished reading Ego is the Enemy (one of my favorite books of all time; I keep re-reading the same sections over and over) and it helps to keep me out of my own head. Actions are truly the only thing in the world that matter. Not what we write about ourselves on the internet or the gilded half-truths we tell people about ourselves in idle conversation. Words are a form of manipulation in my opinion. Very little that anybody says is completely true, especially when they are talking about themselves or others. They are subconsciously trying to get you to feel a certain way about them. I’d just as soon stop partaking in those conversations altogether but through the lies, you can learn a lot about people.

I’d like to put together a writing schedule. Not necessarily a schedule for updating this blog but just to actually sit down and write for thirty minutes every day. If something worthy of posting comes out of it, great. It’s something I’ve always enjoyed doing and I need to get back to learning how to enjoy simple (free) things again.

Adieu for now…

7 thoughts on “Coming up on 90.

  1. So my stalker has given me 291 views since mid-July. 😂

    Seriously though, in July, I shared my story about my online emotional affair and I did it without naming the narcissist. Shortly after a lady shared my story on Twitter and called out the narcissist by name.

    Why in the world would someone do that?

    Hey Mr. Predator, look over here, your victim is writing about you. Who does that?

    That made me nervous because I wanted people to know the truth, but I didn’t want the narcissist to know that it was me that was talking about him. I didn’t want to draw negative attention or drama.

    This lady privately messaged me and wanted me to share the details of my story with her so she could have this man arrested.

    Then the lady turned on me when I told her was uncomfortable. She said some really hurtful things to me and then blocked me before I could answer her.

    I never even asked her for help. I realize now that she didn’t really want to help me she just wanted the information to write her next book.

    Since then I have an online stalker who checks my blog everyday, even if I don’t post anything all week. I don’t know if it is the narcissist watching or maybe it’s the lady digging for more information or maybe it is another victim but it makes me nervous about posting more on that topic.

    She tells people on Twitter that some people will steal your information online because it doesn’t have a copyright and then they will publish it as there own. She probably would.

    If she is my stalker I don’t want to give her information because she was so rude to me.

    So I don’t know what to do. I guess I will hold off on posting anything new and comment more. I would think the stalker would have gone away by now.

    I am a little over 3 months No Contact with that guy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, I suppose you could make a new blog if that would help. :/ I’m sorry, this sounds frustrating as all hell. Wish there was something I could do. If you do make a new blog, please email me so I can follow! I think there’s a way to do that through my page.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes through the contact page. If I decide to make a new blog I will for email you for sure. For now, I am just going to see what everyone else is up to. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I figured out a way to get rid of my stalker and it worked. I tried setting my blog to private for a few days but every time I set it back to public the stalker was back. Then I set the posts to password protected but that didn’t stop the stalker. So this person always used the url to read my blog so I changed my URL. If they type in the old URL it says this site has been deleted. And so far it has worked. I feel like I can post again.

    Liked by 1 person

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