Without much fanfare my 3 month anniversary has passed. Life is still in constant flux but I am establishing some norms finally. I haven’t been to an AA meeting in a little over a month and I’m really wondering when the urge to drink that everyone seems to get will come back. I don’t think about drinking at all anymore. It doesn’t even occur to me, when I’m in the store next to a cooler full of beer, that I might want one or 20. If I make myself think about it, I get almost an impulse to retch. The memory of the taste is disgusting; the memory of how it feels is uncomfortable.
But I do need to do more. I’ve fallen back into some of my old bad habits such as gaming too much and eating out too often. I have also developed a wicked addiction to Diet Coke which my therapist says is “worrying”. It’s completely linked to gaming though. I might say that gaming is my true addiction and everything else is just a supplement to keep it interesting. I’m not nearly as bad as I was while I was a drunk, though. I play games for maybe an hour to two hours a night. I still spend the majority of my time doing productive things like exercising, cooking, and reading. I just have to get better at avoiding it completely. Honestly I don’t even enjoy gaming that much… there’s just not a whole lot else to do.
There is though. And I need to find those things and learn to enjoy them.