Good lord, folks. I’ve been unable to do anything besides show up to work and then go home and veg out for the better part of 7 days. Whereas in the past I chalked this up to depression I have been diagramming my mood, thoughts, and diet lately and the only thing I can come up with is that I am burning myself out! I’ve been eating very healthy meals for two weeks, exercising, and waking up early to have a yoga and meditation session but for some reason mid-last-week I crashed hard.
In the span of three days I lost all of my habit-streaks. First I stopped meditating, then running came next, and then yoga. Around the same time my work performance and writing dropped to a standstill. I just kept thinking “my god I must be depressed again. this medication isn’t working” but upon examination of my mood I’m really not depressed.
Perhaps I was just trying to do too much. I had filled my days with activities to “better” myself to the point that I had very little downtime. To top it off, I think a big factor is that I have been getting involved in a circle of very toxic people at work. Honestly I can’t think of a single positive conversation I’ve had with these people. That’s just how offices go I suppose but now I understand why the other men here don’t talk to the women except to say good morning. It’s just not worth the drama.
So today I turned off my work chat and didn’t take my breaks with the usual suspects and OH MY GOD I FEEL BETTER! That’s certainly not 100% of what’s draining me but it caused me to rebound pretty quickly. Caffeine too. That always helps. So moving forward my game plan is to distance myself from people at work, except for my real friends here of course, and just focus on getting stuff done. It probably will come off as dickish at first but long term I think it will make me seem more mature and emotionally strong. It’s part of that “getting to the next level” thing that I’ve been reading about. You have to sometimes cut ties with the people who are on the level you’re trying to leave so you can get involved with the people above you.
Hopefully I’m back on track with writing now. I’m certainly going to try. Group therapy is this evening, I’ll let you all know how it goes. Thanks for reading!