So apparently my medication was just a placebo and didn’t actually do anything. There are countless medications out there in which the med sites say “some studies have shown that…” which generally means it doesn’t actually work. My medication was primarily a seizure medication but was marketed to treat BPD because “some studies have shown” that it works. It doesn’t.
I crashed hard last week and haven’t started to come out of it until today. I managed to run twice since then but am way off schedule with it as well as just about everything else. I see the psychiatrist again in a couple of weeks and I’ll throw in the towel and try an SSRI again. I start school next Tuesday so I can’t be having these two week long periods where I don’t even want to get out of bed. I know diet has a lot to do with it but once the depression starts coming it’s not easy to cook a meal of fruit and vegetables 3 times a day.
But I remain positive because 9 months ago I just let it happen and lived with it. Now at least I am searching for answers and trying to beat it. I’ve figured out a lot of things that help and now I can happily say that my depressive periods only last a week or a week and a half instead of MONTHS like they used to. It will get better.