Dating Sober

If you’ve been reading my ramblings long enough, you’re at least vaguely aware that I’ve been single for some time. I like to tell people it’s been about ten years, but that’s a little misleading. It’s been ten years since I’ve been in a serious, committed relationship but I’ve dated women here and there up until the time I decided to get sober.

Since my sobriety, dating has become incredibly difficult. Not only are there the women who predictably don’t want to talk to a self-confessed alcoholic, but a lot of the people I encounter in my day-to-day life are very active addicts themselves. Just in the last two months, I’ve almost gone out with a woman who accidentally let slip that she was a codependent meth-addict, a woman who drank to intoxication every night with her children in her care but didn’t think it was a big deal, and then just today I was inspired to write this post by another incident.

There’s this girl, let’s call her Annie, whom I’ve known for probably close to a decade. She used to work for me at the first restaurant I managed and we hung out a few times back then, had a little fun, and then I ended up moving to the west coast. I’ve always liked her and we have chatted here and there over the years. Fast forward to today, I get a friend request from her on Facebook and find out she’s living in the same town as I am!

Naturally, I was excited. Here was fairly lonely, single Brian finding out that one of the women he had been feverishly attracted to was a stone’s throw away and was showing interest in reconnecting again. We talked for a bit, flirted a little, and I have to say she still looks just as beautiful as she did ten years ago… plus a few more tattoos.

Then I started getting hit with the 1-2-3 knockout punches. First she tells me she’s on probation, then she was at a party last night and couldn’t call her testing facility because she was drunk. Finally, the home run was that she told me she wanted to hang out on her lunch break at her job but asked me if I could bring some pain killers if I had any.

Jesus. Effing. Christ.

She turned out to be pretty messed up, the more we talked. Very disheartening, of course, but I understand that her problems have nothing to do with me. While I could be depressed that I’d hooked yet another drug addict who likely wanted to use me for money (which I don’t have, don’t even worry about that), I’m grateful that I’m now mindful and present enough to not go and see her anyway… because the old me totally would have and it would have been a huge mistake.

Hopefully, she quits while she still has her looks. She likely won’t stay out of jail for long with the way she’s behaving and maybe that’s what she needs.

8 thoughts on “Dating Sober

    1. Congrats on the 5 years though, that’s a huge achievement. I used to do the whole online dating thing and a lot of women’s profiles say their ideal date is at a bar. Wellll…


  1. I’m glad that you realized the situation and decided to prevent it.

    It can be really difficult not to fall back into old patterns, especially if you’re feeling a little (or a lot) lonely.
    But, writing and being able to express really helps and can keep things in perspective.

    I’m glad you’re sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Is it terrible that I’m glad I’m not the only one with a story like this?! I have gone on ONE date since I’ve been sober. He had three tattoos and showed me his “mistake” tattoo, as sobriety tattoo, while he was on about beer 4. Lol!
    The good thing about dating sober: you see the red flags a whole heck of a lot faster!
    Good luck out there!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. A M E N. He was also 43 and lived alone and still dropped off his laundry at his parents’ house because his mom “enjoyed doing it”. 🧐🧐🧐
        The list could continue, but I don’t want to hog up your comments. Lol!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lol you don’t have to worry about hogging anything I love talking to people. Jeez, it’s like he read a list of what not to tell a woman on a date and thought it was the opposite

        Liked by 1 person

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