Thank God it’s Monday

Sincerely. Sunday is the worst day of the week for me. By Sunday, I’ve done everything that needs to be done and I am genuinely bored. When I get bored, I get extremely unhappy. Wellbutrin masks a lot of the feelings but I was dejected enough yesterday for some to come through.

Superficially, I know that I need to learn to be okay with just being. It’s very difficult for me to not be bored, though. Gaming used to be my primary hobby and now I’ve almost no interest in it. Losing interest in things you used to find joy in is a sure sign of depression but I’ve also found joy in new things. My new hobbies simply don’t take up enough time! They could. If I let them. I digress.

Part of the problem could also be that I’ve been unable to go to the gym for the last four weeks and that’s making me feel incredibly lazy. I injured my back even further past the four weeks and it’s taking a very long time to recover. I’m on two different medications for that, an anti-inflammatory and a steroid… my morning pill regimen has become almost a fist full!

I look forward to the work week, every week. Sadly, my only face-to-face friends are coworkers. Are those even friends? We never see each other outside of work. Perhaps we could if I asked. I’ve always been terrible at asking for what I want. That should be a goal for September: find somebody to spend time with. People think that dating is hard, try finding a male friend!

Reading back over this, it sounds like I’m depressed. I’m not, I swear. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am grateful. But people like me always want more. It turns out that while in addiction I was very much a codependent B-type, in sobriety I am a major A-type personality! Well, nothing is that black and white… personality is a spectrum, like anything else. Every week that passes while sober, I get better at living a normal, healthy life. When I look in the mirror, I look even better than I did when I was a track athlete in high school. I always had a gut because of all the sugary drinks I consumed as a kid. That’s gone. I lose about a pound every two days. Once I can get back to the gym I’ll feel even more confident in myself.

It’s just those Sundays…

Also, I just got an odd spike in traffic. Has anybody else experienced that? Normally at this time (5am for me), I have about 12-20 views. I have 90 right now! Very disproportionate to the number of visitors, too. If it’s genuine, I’ll take it…

 

20 thoughts on “Thank God it’s Monday

  1. A few things (which may sound preachy, but I’m an ESFJ helper bee, so I hope you’ll take this in the spirit it’s intended).

    1. How long have you taken the Wellbutrin? I.e., have you tried to live without it since you changed your diet — particularly since you stopped eating grains and sugar? I ask for a wide variety of reasons.

    First, my doctor put me on Zoloft, Celexa, and Lexapro, so I speak from experience when I say antidepressants often make things worse instead of better. I also knew a woman who tried one antidepressant after another, from Effexor to Wellbutrin, and they made HER worse instead of better. (For example, her husband said he didn’t feel well. She blew him off, so he drove himself to the hospital … and died. I’m not sure she’ll ever get over that.) Unless you have a mental illness such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, I think you should give life without Wellbutrin a try (after tapering down your dosage, not going cold turkey). But you know your situation better than me, so that’s all I’ll say about that, with the exception of leaving this Wheat Belly blog link: https://www.wheatbellyblog.com/2015/07/marilyn-conquers-zoloft-and-depression/

    2. Steroids, particularly prednisone, have made a lot of people I know miserable. So, much of what you’re feeling may stem from that. I hope your back heals soon. I broke the hell out of my foot last September and wasn’t able to do a n y t h i n g for several months after walking 6 to 13 miles a day for two years, so I can empathize.

    3. I think you’re alone for a reason. Work more on your hobbies and finding things *you* enjoy. I spent my entire life trying to find happiness in other people — both relationships and friends — and failed miserably: https://clevangelist.wordpress.com/2019/07/29/judgmental-christians-my-story

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You don’t sound preachy at all! I always welcome constructive feedback. I was getting into my better diet prior to the Wellbutrin but wasn’t able to stick to it until I started taking it because of the appetite suppressing side-effect. Maybe once I get the habit going I’ll be able to keep it even off of medication.
      You’re right, anti-depressants have thus far only made me worse. I was on Zoloft prior to this and it’s the only time in my life I’ve been honestly suicidal.
      Your feedback on my hobbies and being alone helped put things in perspective. I agree with you, people will come if I just focus on myself!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The key is: you want the right people to come, not just any ol’ person because you’re lonely, bored, or trying to fill a void. (I’m convinced that people can sense that a mile away and use it to their advantage.) If you get to know yourself better, you won’t settle for the people I settled for (many of whom are in that last link I posted) or the women you mentioned in another post (which is why I started following your blog, lol — you sounded a lot like me).

        I’m glad my original comment didn’t offend you! (Btw, Zoloft didn’t just make me suicidal, it made me swear like Joe Pesci. As I said in one post, I’m surprised I didn’t get fired.)

        Enjoy your Monday!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I agree, that’s been the problem so far. Even though I’m sober and trying to meet better people, I’m still attracting the old crowd. But you’re right, they can smell it! It’ll come with time. Just have to be patient. 🙂 Enjoy your Monday as well!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Interestingly, today’s Joyce Meyer was about depression, and the shrink she had on said, among other things, insulin issues can cause depression. I recorded it and am watching it now, but you can watch it from her website if you’re interested. It’s called “Healthy Boundaries with Dr. Henry Cloud,” (so I thought it was going to be about something totally different).

        Liked by 1 person

  2. When I was still teaching, I always wanted to experience some “me” time on Sunday before returning to the classroom on Monday. This time helped prepare me mentally and emotionally for the week ahead.

    I send you the best to continue your faithful walk of sobriety.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hear you on the always wanting more! If just remembered to breathe gratitude all day for all that I already have, my life would be bliss! 😉Also I hear you about exercise. I did my exercises today after having skipped for awhile and it makes a huge difference in my psyche. Hope your back is better soon. Have you googled “yoga poses for back pain” perchance? That has helped my husband a lot with his back pain (i.e. doing a few specific yoga poses each morning). Hugs and keep up the good work :)))

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I hear you, I really didn’t like it either! I found learning the sun salutation ideal since it takes less than five minutes yet makes a bit difference. The inchworm pose is awesome for the back. Also if you add in a couple cat arches (and reverse cat arches) – these are not in the sun salutation but really help the back. xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This resonates so much with me. Sunday is my usual “drinking day” where I mope over the weekend being over, mope over squandering the weekend by doing nothing, and to not be bored out of my mind.

    Surprisingly, I also feel the same about my coworkers. As you age you naturally seem to lack meaningful social interaction. When you’re young and in school there are always people around and you never find yourself alone then as an adult you never meet anyone new that you resonate with. I find that I’ve connected to a few of my coworkers where I look forward to Mondays just to talk to them again. But never feel confident enough in the relationships to attempt talking outside of work or anything because that is anxiety inducing. Great post though, it’s refreshing to see a fellow “despise the weekend” person.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s