Just not feeling it today. By “it” I mean “anything”! I normally try to post super cheery, optimistic things, because there’s already plenty of negativity out there if that’s what someone wants to read, but allow me to indulge for today. I won’t get too negative! Thank you, my friends.
I had a long list of things to do after work last night but instead I went straight to bed. I’m not sure what happened, it almost feels like my medication has suddenly stopped working. That’s impossible, right? Whereas before I was full of energy and motivation to git ‘er done, all I want to do right now is sleep and watch TV. I don’t feel depressed, and really don’t think that I am. I just don’t wanna. Anything.
So, I took a maintenance morning. I normally wake up at 4:30, jump out of bed with my feet already running, read and write my WordPress content for the day, and plan out my morning in my planner. Not today! I slept until 6am, showered, and left for work. I still haven’t even filled out my planner although I know I will when I’m done with this because I simply can’t function successfully without it. Even just writing this, I’m already starting to feel a little better. It could also be the energy drink starting to work its delicious carcinogenic magic. Yep, didn’t feel like making coffee this morning so I got a Lo-Carb Monster and two donuts. Gluttony is my sin for today!
My nose is still a constant worry. I think I traumatized myself, haha! It’s totally clogged with scab and snot (I’m sorry for that visual) and I want to blow my nose so desperately but I’m scared to until at least Thursday night (two full weeks). Even then I’ll probably still be scared. I just can’t go through that ordeal again. It was so draining and terrifying to have blood pouring out of my face for almost 8 hours straight. TWICE. The second time was totally my fault and that’s why I’m paranoid about doing anything now.
I also lost a fair amount of followers yesterday. I don’t know why this bothered me so much. I tried to consciously talk myself out of it but I’m just an anxious person who overthinks things. I *know* that most of my followers are not actually reading my posts. That’s the same for anyone who has a lot of followers. Many people just follow your blog in the hopes you’ll follow them back and they never return. I’m okay with that. But I sat there all evening analyzing what I could have said that made people suddenly “not like me”. Pah. As if that even happened. Those of you I actually communicate with are still here, that’s all that matters. And it’s even funnier that it got me so worked up because yesterday was also my biggest day for likes by a LOT. So thank you all for that!
There are things to be positive about, though! My back pain is totally gone. I can stand, walk, run, etc. for as long as I want and feel no pain. I was a skeptic at first but I will vouch for chiropractic doctors from now on. I got one of those “free” books from a Facebook ad… the ones where you just pay shipping and they try to up-sell you on $300 life coaching sessions. I just took the book. It’s actually pretty good though. Nothing revolutionary or mind blowing but I think we should all read a self-help book at least once every few months just to remind us to do these things. I’m reminding myself to keep my head high, a smile on my face, and to at least greet the people I see at work. I really need to work on my confidence and social skills next. I’m naturally the bad kind of introvert… totally isolated and disconnected from the rest of my peers. When I was younger this was a big problem and led to some pretty negative things, which I’ll probably go into in a later post… this one is getting too long.
So, all in all I’m alright. Not a great day. Not my highest point. But it’s already starting to improve. Thanks for listening, as always! You all are great. Hope you crush your days and experience something new and positive.