Ending this Online Dating Experiment

I have to admit that being rejected by a hundred women a day does a number on one’s self-esteem! For the first few days I did alright with not letting it get to me but after almost two weeks of not a single positive response, it started to wear on me. I found myself growing bitter toward women which is never a good place for a guy to be in so I’ve deleted all of my accounts.

I’m able to see this in myself and stop it early because through most of my twenties I was verbally very hostile to women. It’s no minor miracle that I’ve never been sued for sexual harassment to be honest. It’s easy for introverted, shy men to fall into this trap because we blame external things for our internal problems. I wasn’t single and lonely because I was a shy, cruel alcoholic. I was single and lonely because all women were whores who only wanted men who abused them. The hilariously obtuse thing about that thought is that I was an abusive person, just not physically.

Since then, I’ve changed considerably to the point that most of my good friends… scratch that… all of my good friends are women (I’m still emotionally rather weak and cowardly so I am not very appealing as a friend to men but I’m working on it every day.) I never want to get to the point where I fall back on thinking that other people are responsible for my problems. I know that I’m not classically handsome and my personal life is not appealing to a woman in her thirties looking for a long-term relationship. It makes sense that I wouldn’t do well on an online dating portal when attractive women have literally thousands of options.

There’s also this perverse idea in the beta-male world (I don’t actually believe in alpha or beta it’s just a handy term to use in this context) that if you behave or dress certain ways you can make a woman fall in love with you. People have their own personal tastes, it’s very stupid to think that you can make every person want to be with you. Even if a woman shows interest in you as a friend, it doesn’t mean she has any interest in sleeping with you. If these kinds of men had more self-awareness they’d be able to see it even in themselves; I have plenty of female friends that I have absolutely no romantic interest in whatsoever. They’re just human beings.

This is one of those posts that went off on a tangent I didn’t plan for but maybe it needed to be said. My blog is turning into more of a personal diary than what I originally was intending to do with it and that’s fine by me. If I really have the inclination to write more “professional” posts I can always just start another blog. It seems like, for some bizarre reason, people like reading these posts more anyway! I just try to provide some insight into the mindset of a person like me or like I was.

Maybe next I’ll write about that time I became a neo-nazi at 17.