Ending this Online Dating Experiment

I have to admit that being rejected by a hundred women a day does a number on one’s self-esteem! For the first few days I did alright with not letting it get to me but after almost two weeks of not a single positive response, it started to wear on me. I found myself growing bitter toward women which is never a good place for a guy to be in so I’ve deleted all of my accounts.

I’m able to see this in myself and stop it early because through most of my twenties I was verbally very hostile to women. It’s no minor miracle that I’ve never been sued for sexual harassment to be honest. It’s easy for introverted, shy men to fall into this trap because we blame external things for our internal problems. I wasn’t single and lonely because I was a shy, cruel alcoholic. I was single and lonely because all women were whores who only wanted men who abused them. The hilariously obtuse thing about that thought is that I was an abusive person, just not physically.

Since then, I’ve changed considerably to the point that most of my good friends… scratch that… all of my good friends are women (I’m still emotionally rather weak and cowardly so I am not very appealing as a friend to men but I’m working on it every day.) I never want to get to the point where I fall back on thinking that other people are responsible for my problems. I know that I’m not classically handsome and my personal life is not appealing to a woman in her thirties looking for a long-term relationship. It makes sense that I wouldn’t do well on an online dating portal when attractive women have literally thousands of options.

There’s also this perverse idea in the beta-male world (I don’t actually believe in alpha or beta it’s just a handy term to use in this context) that if you behave or dress certain ways you can make a woman fall in love with you. People have their own personal tastes, it’s very stupid to think that you can make every person want to be with you. Even if a woman shows interest in you as a friend, it doesn’t mean she has any interest in sleeping with you. If these kinds of men had more self-awareness they’d be able to see it even in themselves; I have plenty of female friends that I have absolutely no romantic interest in whatsoever. They’re just human beings.

This is one of those posts that went off on a tangent I didn’t plan for but maybe it needed to be said. My blog is turning into more of a personal diary than what I originally was intending to do with it and that’s fine by me. If I really have the inclination to write more “professional” posts I can always just start another blog. It seems like, for some bizarre reason, people like reading these posts more anyway! I just try to provide some insight into the mindset of a person like me or like I was.

Maybe next I’ll write about that time I became a neo-nazi at 17.

20 thoughts on “Ending this Online Dating Experiment

  1. Hey..literary checked u out òn your other post just to be sure what I am saying is right.So yes,you are a handsome guy and extremely brave not only coz u quit alcohol but also because u dont shy away from pointing out your flaws or run away from the past mistakes
    There is one very lucky girl waiting there to be swept her feet …so online offline..u need to continue looking ..all the very best

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You find me one “classically handsome” man or woman who hasn’t been airbrushed or lives in the world of media and I’ll give you an award. Lol!
    I’m finding dating is super hard, let alone dating where someone is literally judging you by your looks alone. I mean, it’s impossible for me to bottle up the amazing and awesome personality I developed as an awkward teenager and put it into words.
    Let me just say this: I understand.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I don’t think you are the problem. I think that the dating sites have changed over the years. When I used them 6 years ago, I had no problems whatsoever and this is coming from someone who didn’t date at all until she was 21 years old! Heck, I’m not even attractive. 🤷‍♀️ What people gravitate towards is my personality as cliché and cheesy as that sounds. Apparently my personality makes me desirable?

    Also, my friend who was my maid of honor at my wedding is trying online dating sites for the first time, and she is 28 years old. In my opinion, she is prettier than I am and she’s never dated before up until this point. She has tried more dating sites than I ever did and went on a couple of coffee dates a couple of weeks ago. However, she hasn’t had the same luck I did and she too is frustrated. She even went so far as to try Tinder which I never ever thought she would attempt, and still, no luck. So with all of this being said, looks are not the issue man. You are handsome just like everyone above said. So what gives? Dating site saturation perhaps, or the fact that most of the sites have changed. For all the features OkCupid charges people for these days, these same features used to be FREE. ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha we’re so hard on ourselves. You’re a good looking lady. But personality does have a lot to do with it and you can’t really get someone’s personality from a 2 paragraph profile. Thanks for cheering me up.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. When I was single, nobody ever told me that I was good looking or asked me out. Not once. For some reason, the moment you are taken, your desirability goes up 💯 fold. This is something I’ve noticed both online and IRL.

        Yes, that is true. You can’t exactly give your life story but you can answer all of the prompt questions, complete the bio and make sure it’s all filled out. 95% of people don’t even bother doing those things, and if they do, their writing is usually poor (huge turn off for me is a guy who can’t write well). So be part of the 5% and stand out. Use your words to show your personality. Don’t be afraid to be different. If people are ONLY basing you on looks, then they must be blind or shallow. I doubt that they are only basing your desirability on your looks. This could be a limiting belief of yours, and I am making an assumption here. Idk if that is true or not…

        Just be honest and open like you are on your blog. Remember, your past does not define you. Women love men who are open, honest, and transparent. 🙌

        Like

      2. Hm maybe I should put on a wedding band. 😉 Maybe it’s because people are nervous about complimenting single women. When you’re married there’s no fear of you taking it like they’re hitting on you?

        Funny enough I actually do better the LESS I fill out. I think they can tell that I’m crazy when I write too much. 😉

        Thanks for the feedback. Maybe I’ll tweak my OkCupid instead of deleting it. Tinder is already gone… it was way too shallow.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. A wedding band might attract the wrong kind of attention in the dating world. In that case, you might wanna try Ashley Madison. Seriously though, please don’t try this. It really does send the wrong message to people! 😂🤣

        Okay, only if you are SURE that you do better with less filled out on your profile. I’m gonna be blunt: how do you know that women on OkCupid think that you are crazy for writing too much? Did one of them tell you this in a nasty DM? Here is what I think: You write a lot on your blog, and we don’t think that you are crazy at all. I’m sure that your platonic female friends don’t think that you are crazy either. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Man it is so difficult to respond to a comment without using the actual website! Haha, I did try Ashley Madison a loooooong time ago (before the hack and all of that nonsense). Didn’t have much luck there either, which makes sense now that it’s been exposed that most of their female accounts are fake.

        There are two reasons I think my profiles look crazy, first is that on Reddit I asked for a review of my profile and everyone said I came across as defensive and a bit “quirky” and second is that I’ve only had success when my profile was bare bones. That could mean nothing, just chance. My platonic female friends don’t think I’m crazy, but they wouldn’t date me either. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Hmm..🤔I’m ancient when it comes to dating. It’s been years for me. But, I do spy on stories of people who are dating. Looks never seem to matter to women as much. I’ve noticed men in their 80s with young “hot” models. But, of course, these men had a lot of money. I’ve heard numerous women say they are looking for a sugar daddy. Experiment and say that you are rich looking for someone to spend money on. You’ll probably see a big difference. You’ll begin to see just how superficial women have become in this bad economy. Perhaps try a Christian dating site. Somewhere that is supposed to be for more “wholesome” girls. I’m cheering for you! And again, just have fun. She’ll show up when you least expect it. It always happen that way!😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, you want me to catfish someone? Just kidding. 🙂 I think there’s truth to the idea that a man’s status is important to SOME women, obviously not all. Unfortunately those might be the women I’m going after. Like I frequently say, I’m stick in a half-way point between the man I used to be and the man I’m becoming so I’m still attracting the “old me” friends and relationships while living more of a “new me” lifestyle.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dating as an adult seems to be daunting because you don’t have as many places to meet a variety of people. As a teen/young adult you’re usually in school or a crappy workplace that is around the general public. You have plenty of unique people around you to forge bonds with. I guess you take the variety of people for granted. It would be terrifying trying to meet someone as an adult, especially seeing how dating apps crush the hell out of your self-esteem! But you don’t sound too beaten down which is good, and as cliche as it sounds, hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think it’s very brave of you to share how you used to be (let’s face it mysoginist nazi is not very appealing is it?) , you’re not hiding that , in fact you’re confronting and rejecting that past in order to change and move on. Not many people achieve that so brilliant that you were able to reflect and change. I wonder what triggered such a massive turnaround?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha well I didn’t put that on my dating profile that’s for sure! Sobriety changed me the most. I was never REALLY a Nazi just a confused kid who found a group of people to hang out with. Michigan is an inherently racist place so I was just raised in that mindset. When I moved out of state I saw that not all people were like they are here. The misogyny ended when I quit drinking though. I just became more pleasant in general, lol.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. I think on-line dating is a bit scary! I know my beautiful friend tried it and she didn’t meet anyone.
    One friend, nice looking, went on dates, but nothing clicked.
    Meeting someone is hard these days!
    Maybe someone in school?
    xo
    Wendy

    Like

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