My medication has definitely not only stopped working but is actually doing the opposite of its intention. I’ve never been this depressed before and it gets worse by the day. Tonight I see my therapist so that will probably help me feel a little bit better but I need to get in with the psychiatrist as soon as possible.
Depression is a downward spiral for me because it triggers a series of events which exacerbate the symptoms. First I start feeling lethargic and sleepy all day so I stay in my room, sitting around watching Netflix or gaming. Maybe taking lengthy naps. Then I start eating fast food and neglecting to cook the healthy meals I had been eating. I haven’t eaten a real vegetable in a week. I’ll start bailing on social situations which makes me feel even more isolated. Throughout all of this is a permeating feeling of “fuck it”. I willingly give all of these things up because “life sucks anyway, I’m never going to be anything” etc.
I might be coming out of it today. I’m not sure. I made a point to eat a bit healthier yesterday but still not as good as I should have. I still have that choking feeling of wanting to cry that follows me around throughout the day but it’s subsided a little bit. I am exhausted despite doing nothing yesterday and sleeping in an extra three hours today. At least I did start filling out my planner again after leaving it in my gym bag all weekend.
Not much else to say about it. A lot of you know how this feels.