Still in the Doldrums

I haven’t been writing as much lately because I feel that nobody needs an endless torrent of misery levied at them, but I have some free time today and nothing else to do! I’m not quite as miserable as I was over the weekend… weekdays are always better just because I have something to focus on and am also around other human beings.

Yesterday was my birthday and I was actually blown away by how many people at work visited this year. A lot of the referees (mini-judges) stopped by my floor and they don’t do that often. I’d like to think it’s because people notice when you work hard but in all likelihood it’s because they were hungry, haha.

My therapy appointment went well and did manage to cheer me up a bit. Just talking about life with somebody who is a professional at it helps a great deal, I really think everyone should do it. I always thought that therapy was useless because it doesn’t really “fix” anyone. These days I understand that, while progress is extremely slow in the personal development department, therapy does play a huge part in it.

Blunt Japanese Woman has an interesting theory about introverts, that too much alone time can burn out your energy stores and lead to a depressive episode. I think I’ve found this to be true. I’ve been very isolated these past couple of years even despite not wanting to be. However, when an opportunity to meet with people does arise, something always gets in the way be it my own social anxiety or a massive depressive episode like this last time.

Sal, my therapist, helped to put things into perspective though. Yes, I may be burnt out on the gym, photography, music, etc. but I am still sober and I still do more with my day than the majority of people do. I’m in college with a 4.0 GPA, I read every day, I try to write SOMETHING every day, and I practice at least one thing even if my mood will only allow for a few minutes. Many people just go home from work and watch TV and nap. I’m at least doing better than that.

Not attaching images or any formatting to these recent posts I feel conveys how pointless and droll I find life to be right now. It’s also because I don’t have the energy or motivation to edit anything I’m writing or format it. Pictures just seem superfluous at the moment. It kind of makes me feel like my blog is disorganized and spiraling down the drain but I know that some day I’ll recover from this and be back to writing on a better level.

Diet is super important, I know, and I’ve been eating like a postmodern savage lately. My friend Moriah sent me this article last night and it has motivated me a bit. I had breakfast today and I’m going to make sure to eat some fatty fish like salmon with some veggies tonight to hopefully increase my energy tomorrow. I don’t have lunch though, so I don’t know what that’s going to do to me.