The Great Passive Aggression of 2019

One of my coworkers is giving me the silent treatment because I had the forethought to go to the doctor for my back pain when she’s been suffering through shoulder pain for a month without doing anything about it. Sucks to suck.

Yesterday ended up being a pretty good day. The depression still isn’t gone 100% but for the most part I am getting back into a normal routine. My mother cooked my “birthday meal” of city chicken (Polish Americans will know) which I get every year. It’s a bit of a process to make so not possible to have more often than that! So I’m very grateful for that. I was also thinking this morning about how grateful I am for my insurance company which might be something that not very many people ever say. They paid for 100% of my stay in rehab and all of my after-care. Totally turned my life around.

I think I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I forgot to take my meds in the morning. Welllll I forgot to take them after work too because I was rushing around to different doctors to get my back taken care of (more on that later). I woke up at 3 AM in full blown SSRI withdrawal. If you’ve never gone through that it is terrifying! Your head feels like it’s going to pop, you get these electrical jolts in your brain every few seconds, and you can hear your eyes move. I took all my pills right then and was able to fall back asleep. It’s back to normal now aside from a slight headache but I don’t know if that’s from what happened last night or just a continuation of the headache I’ve had all week.

My back has returned to its original state of unbearable pain. That’s what started this whole passive aggressive mess (she might not come to work today to be extra passive aggressive and I’m okay with that). I left with a bigger dose of steroids and a refill of naproxen as well as a referral for physical therapy. I’m confident it’ll get sorted this time, especially combined with my chiropractic visits. I see a DO instead of an MD so they’re also trained in a bit of chiro and he tried to crack me yesterday and said my muscle there is like concrete and there’s no way anyone is going to get it to move before these meds do their trick. Yeah, that’s what it feels like! I’d rather have rock-hard abs than a rock-hard spine.

I have a few “normal” posts in the works but they’re taking a long time to finish just because of all the stuff that’s gone on. I’m excited to get them done and get them up, though. I don’t really enjoy writing personal posts like this, I just do it because I’d feel ultra worthless if I didn’t post at least a couple times a week while depressed.