Sometimes I pretend I’m married to disguise the fact I totally ordered from two fast food restaurants for lunch.
“You got Burger King too?”
“Oh, That’s for the wife.”
Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, so I don’t have to work! Thanks, bud. In the social media world and blogosphere, it is expected that we talk at great lengths about what MLK means to us and etc, etc. The majority of people doing that are completely full of shit. I’ll be honest with you, friends: this is just a day off to me. Same with Veterans Day, Columbus Day, the 4th of July, and so forth. That’s not to say I don’t think MLK was a great man who did great things, it’s just that taking one day out of the year to acknowledge the civil rights movement is kind of… I don’t know… pathetic? Don’t get me wrong, I never think about the civil rights movement. I think that’s what SJW’s are talking about when they mention that whole “white privilege” thing. Could be wrong.
This paragraph was originally about virtue signalling and how pathetic it is, but we all get it. Right? Let’s move on. I LOVE TAPATIO. Taco Bell has been introducing incrementally hotter sauce packets over the last 20 years and yet somehow they’re still nowhere near hot enough for anybody who doesn’t live in a house that has wheels under it. Just bite the bullet, partner up with Tapatio, and get some packets. Job done. You don’t even have to pay me commission for the idea. It’s not too hot so WASPs can still pretend they’re brave by getting a couple and the rest of us can feel like we’re actually eating when we bite into a taco.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about whether or not depression is even a real disease. I know, severely depressed people always gotta be in yo face screaming that it’s so real because they feel it, but… really? It seems like it’s just what happens when you don’t do the things you’re supposed to do. Believe me, I have definitely had months where I haven’t wanted to get out of bed, but once I decided to just suck it up and get my shit together, my life has been pretty AVERAGE. I mean is it mindblowing that the advertised “cures” for depression are taking a shower, eating vegetables, and exercising? Woah, dude. Revolutionary stuff there.
Of course if we all just lived life like it was supposed to be lived, the billion-dollar self-help industry would implode, 99% of the bloggers in the world (including yours truly) would have nothing to write about, and WordPress would collapse overnight. Hell, we’d probably even be able to have decent conversations on social media as I’m relatively certain that all trolling and flaming stems from the author being a behaviorally corrupt nobhead.
Aaaaand trust me… I’m not knocking all of the self-help mental-health bloggers out there. If it weren’t for you, these genuinely clueless adult babies would never know that all they needed was some sunshine and broccoli. The previous generation really did a terrible job of raising their children which is honestly GREAT for the life coach industry! Now you can pay somebody $100 an hour to be your surrogate dad.
Shit, my Whopper is getting cold.