Selfish People Ruin Everything

Posting two days in a row, oh my what’s going on?! So I’m going to just paste something I wrote on a forum of friends I frequent about something that happened today. I was potentially infected yesterday because of one of my mother’s shitty self-centered sisters (her side of the family is just like the worst version of humanity you can imagine) but time will tell. I’ve already thought I might have COVID two or three times already just because of allergies and a sinus infection I’d had but I knew I was just being paranoid. This is closer to a real concern.

Kinda pissed off right now. We’ve been quarantined in our home for about 3 weeks… I go out to do the shopping and all that because I’m at less risk but despite all of that, my extremely mentally ill aunt came over yesterday and I left right away because I just can’t deal with her on a mental level. She’s the kind of person who always has to be right about everything even though she’s an extreme hoarder and chain smoker who has never been in a romantic relationship once in her life. So by the time I got back she had left and I went about my day. Well today, 24 full hours later, my mother tells me my aunt was coughing the whole time she was over and refusing to cover her mouth because “it’s just allergies”. She texted my mother earlier today saying she now has a fever of 103.

So despite doing everything right, being as careful as possible and washing my hands like a maniac, I probably will get sick. Even though I wasn’t around when she was here hacking her lungs up, she probably got spit and shit all over everything in the house and coated it with virus. I’m not a hygiene freak or paranoid about microbes but it’s likely. Even though I’m low risk I did have lung surgery when I was in my early 20’s so I am a¬†little¬†worried about getting the disease. My mother is definitely high risk and my aunt, if she actually does have COVID, is in all honesty probably going to die. She’s smoked for 40 years, has high blood pressure, and like I said is a hoarder so she just breathes cat feces and dust all day. She had me feed her cat while she was out of town once and I couldn’t spend more than 5 minutes in her apartment it smelled so bad and the air was so thick with god knows what. I wish I could say I was upset about her potential demise but that is the level at which I don’t like her. Lol.

So we’ll see what happens. It could take up to 5 days for me to start feeling really sick and that’s exactly the day I’m supposed to do my one day this week at work. I should know by then if she has COVID and if she does I’ll just quarantine myself regardless of how I feel. That’s the ethical thing to do, I think.

I feel like most of the bad things that have happened to me in my life are direct results of who I’m related to, lol. If this were to kill me (I know it won’t) it’d really just be fitting.


I don’t know what I’m doing here.

No matter how many times I resolve to get my act together regarding my writing, I still just end up writing one of two things: what I think people want to read or an emotional off-the-cuff rant that no solitary soul in the world could possibly care about.

It’s not a traffic / monetization / followers thing. I want to write material that I’m proud of and that builds my skill. Writing stream of consciousness tirades doesn’t involve any talent whatsoever. Furthering my laziness even more lately has been the Covid lockdown. I normally write at 7am at my office right before work starts. Since I only work one day a week now, I haven’t written anything in days and even then it was a pretty half-hearted attempt.

You just have to force yourself to do it, though. Right? Either I’ll find the spirit to push past my emotional roadblock that keeps me from doing earnest work or I’ll never be much of a writer. Every day the latter wins a bit more.

COVID and Alcoholism

As I was driving home from work, I noticed all of the liquor stores on my way home were absolutely packed. It raised a thought… alcoholics will probably be a huge vector for this virus because despite any shelter in place or quarantine orders, you know they need to get their fix. They’re also generally dirtier than the average person so you know they aren’t washing their hands or cleaning their home. Shit, if you know anyone who has a drinking problem get the hell away from them for the next year.

Shelter in place order came down today. I know that nobody is going to pay any attention to it. Not enough people have died. Once someone’s mother or grandparent dies then they’ll start to take it seriously. Eventually we’ll have to make going out for non-essentials a crime temporarily. Until then we’re really just farting into the wind.

I still have to work because I’m considered essential governmental personnel but honestly I prefer working over staying home all day. We’re closed to the public and there’s only about 10 of us in the whole building so it actually feels safer than being at home with my alcoholic brother who coughs so much you don’t know if he’s sick or if he’s just downed a 5th of vodka. Regardless, we’ve told him to stay in his room and to tell us before he needs to come up so we can leave the area. Fucking drunk loser. Man my life would improve so much if he’d… nevermind.

My schedule has been all over the place because I haven’t really worked since Friday and even then I was off that whole week because someone spread a rumor that I had COVID and they made me stay home til I got a doctor’s note. Whatever, I still get paid. I’m going to make sure to set an alarm from now on to get back on some kind of schedule.

Lost my 4.0 in school because this class uses software by Cengage which is a fucking piece of shit company. All of their apps are broken, the photographs they use are so dark and blurry you can’t tell what the hell you’re supposed to be looking at, and they ask questions that nobody can answer. I set up a Twitter again specifically so I could tell them to go fuck themselves. It did make me feel a little better even though I know the only person who will read it is some poor intern.

Still practicing piano daily. My personal lessons are cancelled for the foreseeable future but i”ve been using Skillshare which is amazing and I highly recommend it. I’ve also signed up for Andrew Huang’s Monthly audio production course which I’ve heard nothing but great things about. Other than that I’m going to volunteer for as much extra work as I can to see if I can be in the office more than one day a week. They have to pay me either way so I don’t see why they’d say no. Everybody else I work with is complaining about how unfair it is that they have to work so I’m sure they’ll be blown away to see someone actually wanting to work more.

Which is super idiotic, isn’t it? You chose to work for the government you stupid old bat. When shit hits the fan we’re the ones who absolutely need to continue working. God I’m so sick of the constant bitching I’m glad I’ll be working alone in my department. And when all this blows over, if I’m still alive and not laid off due to all of the money the government is certainly going to hemorrhage, I’m transferring to my old department.

Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. But honestly, if you’re gonna catch COVID now is the time to do it, while they still have hospital beds. If I knew someone who was infected I’d probably ask them to cough directly into my mouth.

If You Had Any Faith Left in the Future of Human Civilization, Look Around You Right Now.

The COVID-19 situation has finally proven without a shadow of a doubt that we are utterly unequipped as a species to handle any major catastrophe that could befall our planet. The current outbreak isn’t even that bad in the grand scheme of things (of course you can’t actually say that because people are dying, but let’s be realistic) so imagine what would happen if a truly deadly disease swept across the globe. We’d be done for.

Similarly, we should abandon all magical thinking about mankind pulling together to sort out climate change. We’re simply too selfish and lazy. We will wait until it becomes impossible to ignore and by then, much like with our viral friend here, it will be too late to plan.

So enjoy yourselves, my friends. Stop trying to shoulder the burden of humanity on your own. If nobody else cares, why should you?

There’s some good stuff on Netflix right now.

In other news, if this outbreak goes on much longer (which it will), my batshit crazy paranoid mother will drive me literally insane.

Back from “Vacation”.

Monday afternoon I went home early with a cough that had been getting progressively worse throughout the day. I wasn’t concerned that it was anything serious as I didn’t have a fever or a sore throat, but I decided to be courteous. Well the old c**ts that I work with spread a rumor throughout the building that I definitely had COVID so I was forced to stay home Tuesday and get a doctors note. Seeing an opportunity, I had my cool-as-heck doctor write me a note that said I couldn’t return to work until Friday despite being perfectly well. Because of that, the clucking hens at work became even more paranoid that something was seriously wrong with me and they had my entire desk area sanitized by the facilities department. I love it.

I’m back today and am not going to tell anyone what happened. You might think me a bit sadistic for stoking people’s fears just to teach them a lesson about gossip, but my craving for humor trumps morality every time.

The Last Three Days

The last three days have been kind of chaotic. I never recognize how much I need my weekly routine in order to get things done. I’m behind on schoolwork and have been eating like an American for the whole week. I did practice a lot of piano and rhythm… I actually know an entire song start to finish on piano now (and not one of those childish ones that people learn first). My private lessons are cancelled for the foreseeable future but I’ve found a great lesson plan on Skillshare which, somewhat sadly, is actually better than my in-person teacher is. It’s still nice to be able to get real-time feedback from an experienced player.

I’m also signed up for Andrew Huang’s production masterclass in April. It was $275 and I’ve heard nothing but great things about it. A lot of people in the ad comments complain that they don’t have that kind of money and it’s so expensive but if you’re not willing to spend $275 and want to be a producer… you’re probably not going to get very far. My speakers alone were that much.

Anyway. Just checking in. Today is going to be annoying, I already know it. We fired the phone girl last week because she called in sick every other week for the entire week. They generally don’t fire people here but she was still in her probationary period so it was pretty easy to just say “Bye, Felicia”. But… that means yours truly now has to cover a block of phone calls every day, the topics in which range from such delightful questions as “why I ain’t got no child support this month” and “how do I get a DNA test this kid ain’t mine!”

I look forward to it.

Scattered Thoughts on Government and Disease.

I don’t have the patience or time right now to write a masters thesis on this subject so this is going to be very opinionated and in the spirit of the moment; please keep that in mind while reading. I’m by no means an expert on infectious disease or government administration. However…

The government I work for is run by out-of-touch lunatics. Time and again they prove that they don’t understand how society should function and ignore the advice of experts. As of today we are the only county in the Metro Detroit area that hasn’t shut down to attempt to contain the spread of SARS-COVID-19. We are also the county with the highest percentage of people who are poor and uninsured so basically the people who aren’t going to be going to the doctor when they get sick.

Our cleaning staff are going about their days like business as usual. Nobody is wiping down the handrails on the stairs or the elevator buttons.

I’m not paranoid… not to the level my mother is anyway (she wrote her will yesterday, lmfao). I’ve been getting my info from the CDC instead of Joe Blogger and Facebook feeds, so I feel like I have a pretty firm grasp on what is actually going to happen. We’ll survive… it’s not the end of the world. The shortages of critical medicine and things like that are probably going to kill more people than the actual disease will… especially if this stretches into the hottest summer on record (most CDC docs are saying this is a 6-9 month problem, not a 3 week problem like people are pretending it is).

But on the plus side it’s a great time to buy stocks so make sure you load up.

It’s Going to be a Rough Day

I was up all night with a massive headache and only got about an hour and a half of sleep, collectively. I don’t feel tired for some reason and I’m hoping Adderall gets me through most of the day. I was in such an insomniac delirium that I found myself hoping that I had Covid so I could get it out of the way early and take the day off from work, haha. Now that I’m in more of a rational state of mind, I’m glad that I don’t have a fever.

I watched Joe Rogan’s interview with Dr. Michael Osterholm yesterday and it swayed me toward not dismissing this pandemic as “just a bad flu season” finally. I can admit when I was wrong, and I was definitely wrong. I’m sure that I and my loved ones will be fine as will likely you and yours but a lot of people still have yet to die and we’re looking at an outbreak that will last months, not weeks. It’s too late to do anything now… so I understand why people say to not panic and all that. We’re already in the middle of it and it’s too late to prepare at this point so there’s no point in making people worry. The interview was pretty frustrating because the Dr. mentions several plans they brought up to various administration officials over the years to curtail horrible things that were obviously going to happen in the future if we did nothing, and nobody listened. Nobody ever listens to professionals. Dozens of civilizations have risen and fallen over just the last few thousand years and ours will likely be no different.

Not trying to be all doom and gloom… I’m sure I won’t live to see that day, and I’m more interested in how robotic and stupid the human race is rather than depressed or angry at the futility of society. I was just mentioning to a rather stupid coworker yesterday that gasping in awe of people who “predict” future catastrophes really just demonstrates that you never paid attention in history class. It’s remarkably easy to predict what will happen in the future because it happens over and over again.

This Coronavirus outbreak could be a good thing. It’s hurt the wallets of so many of the rich and powerful that they might be motivated to do something for once. It’ll be a half-measure and eventually they’ll assume the worst is over and we are once again safe for the rest of eternity, but it’ll be interesting to see something happen.


That’s right, I’m writing two posts today but I’m scheduling this one to post later because I hate it when WP clumps two posts together as if they are one thing. I am sure they do that to prevent people from spamming their readers’ feeds (had to unfollow a few people who did that) but it looks ugly.

I struggle with feeling normal. “Normal“, as if that’s a legitimate thing. I lie awake at night thinking about it, though. I don’t know any other men who do what I do every day… nor do I know any women. I practice piano, finger drumming on a sampler, read ancient books from Greek philosophers and historians, obsess over minutiae in people’s statements to the point that I spend an hour Googling facts before responding to them… etc.

Most guys my age just go to work, play golf on the weekends, and have dinner with their wife and kids. I feel very out of touch with the rest of my generation. I don’t regret the things that I do, I’m rather proud of them actually. I’ve managed to continue pursuing my passions long after most men have thrown in the towel and accepted a life of mediocrity. But it makes it very difficult to connect with people.

When I tell friends and coworkers what I do in my free time I can feel visceral judgment coming from them. I don’t know if it’s jealousy that I have the time to do these things or if they think I’m childish for continuing to play electronic music into my 40’s despite never having achieved any measure of success at it. I’m not trying to, though, I just like doing it (don’t get me wrong it’d be great to play live at festivals worldwide but I am a realist, lol). I would like to write one great song some day… just one is all I ask for. That’s why I picked up piano and will likely learn more instruments after this. You can’t be a great musician without understanding theory, I stand by that belief in the face of all the bedroom hip hop producers out there who scream otherwise (their music is instantly forgettable).

So given this… do I really desire to fit in? Part of me does. I’ve kind of given up on dating… not in a bad way but more in the way that I haven’t met a woman I am genuinely attracted to in so long that it feels a bit like a waste of time, but when I do try to date my hobbies are definitely something that makes a woman raise her eyebrow.

“Sooo… you live with your mother and you play music all day… okay man-baby” someone once said to me on an online forum. In fairness I don’t know what sex that person was but they claimed to be a woman, lol. What else do people do though?

If you’ve read this far… please… tell me… what do you do when you’re not at work? I’m not asking for you to make me feel better, I just would like to know what other people do in their free time, maybe for some perspective.

Desktop Computers are Officially Obsolete

Graph courtesy Statista 2020

Desktop computers were never the best tool for the job; they were the only tool for the job. PC aficionados such as myself lament the end of the desktop era, as the more the market moves away from desktop support, the more niche and expensive high-end PC components will become.

The obsolescence of the desktop computer doesn’t necessarily mean it will vanish completely. There will likely be a market for RTX Geforce 2080 ti rigs with i9 processors and 128gb of RAM for many years to come, however increasingly these computers will be owned solely by gamers and video artists.

People never needed a 10lb black monolith (the opening credits to 2001 come to mind) sitting on their desk. What most people need is a way to access the internet, write essays for school, and play Candy Crush in their downtime. We can see from the graph above that while their decline is slower, laptops are on their way out as well because they, too, poorly address the needs I just listed.

Right now, most desktop and laptop sales are probably due to an older generation of consumers not understanding that the gap between tablet and desktop has been significantly bridged in the last few years. The latest generation of iPad sports a processor that is strikingly similar in performance to close-to-current-gen i5 and i7 chips.

The continued refinement of tablet technologies mean that, barring ignorant baby-boomers, most people will likely be buying tablets as their primary computers in the future. There will still be some holdouts who cling to laptops out of nostalgia but, barring cost (a mid-tier laptop is still more powerful than a tablet but as the tablet market expands this will likely change rather quickly and significantly), there is realistically no reason to buy a laptop in 2020.

We might not be playing Cyberpunk 2077 on a Surface Pro any time soon, but gamers can now officially lament that the console wars have ended and PCs did not win. As market share continues to move toward tablets and laptops, consoles will become the gaming equipment of choice. The argument can still be made that even current-gen consoles can’t touch the performance of a souped up gaming rig… most gamers aren’t willing or able to shell out $3000 on a desktop PC.

Personally, I’ll continue building and tinkering with desktops for the forseeable future, but it’s definitely a niche hobby these days. I encounter fewer and fewer people who have ever looked inside of their computer or understand how it works. It’s sad in a way, but that’s progress for you. I imagine it’s the same way hot rodders felt when car manufacturers made their automobiles less and less customizable.