I don’t know what I’m doing here.

No matter how many times I resolve to get my act together regarding my writing, I still just end up writing one of two things: what I think people want to read or an emotional off-the-cuff rant that no solitary soul in the world could possibly care about.

It’s not a traffic / monetization / followers thing. I want to write material that I’m proud of and that builds my skill. Writing stream of consciousness tirades doesn’t involve any talent whatsoever. Furthering my laziness even more lately has been the Covid lockdown. I normally write at 7am at my office right before work starts. Since I only work one day a week now, I haven’t written anything in days and even then it was a pretty half-hearted attempt.

You just have to force yourself to do it, though. Right? Either I’ll find the spirit to push past my emotional roadblock that keeps me from doing earnest work or I’ll never be much of a writer. Every day the latter wins a bit more.

9 thoughts on “Recovery

  1. What you are facing is a force called resistance. We humans like to take the path with least resistance. However, writing something is still better than writing nothing at all. What you might think is nonsensical, we find your writing an enjoyable read. 📖🤓

    Yesterday I didn’t want to write a paper because there was too much residence so instead I wrote a blog post. Even though I’ve been dealing with tons of resistance when it comes to writing blog posts, I faced even more resistance writing that paper. I won’t post a link to the blog post since I don’t want to spam you, but if you have free time, please check out it out. Thank you! 😊💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the inspiring feedback. 🙂 It’s a bit of a struggle to get to WordPress these days with my life so out of whack but I will definitely read your post and always feel free to send a link in your comment you’re not someone I’d ever think of as spamming!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t shortchange emotional tirades. Sometimes you have to get stuff off your chest before you can get on with the business of living. Sometimes you have to wrangle with your brain for years before you know what you want from writing.

    Two things that help me overcome frequent frustration, which you can take or leave. Have you considered figuring out what, specifically, you want from your writing other than “improvement”? And: don’t be hard on yourself right now. You are (we are) living through a pandemic. If you can focus enough to jot down impressions as you think of them, try to trust that’s enough for now. Later your brain will make sense of it.

    And frankly, from selfish perspective, I appreciate your posts quite a lot. Don’t give up. Your story is impressive and your writing is honest. Hang in there. No one else can write your words if you don’t.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks a lot! You’re right I do need to nail down what I want to get out of my writing more concretely. It is a weird time in the world for sure so I suppose I shouldn’t beat myself up if writing isn’t my #1 priority. Thank you for your kind words. 🙂


  3. I feel your pain – I really want to write more, have lots of ideas but never make time to do it – even now when the time is there with a lot fewer distractions! Agree with comments about resistance – we have to figure out what is holding us back – for me fear of failure and worry what others will think is probably a big part of it. You are where you are and you’re doing what you can and that is good enough and ok xx💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know very little about ‘writing’ but I do know that we can overthink what we are putting down on paper (or tapping on a keyboard). I also think that right now the usual day to day has been thrown off course and a massive change has lots of little impacts on us. Give yourself some time and space. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It will come xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m reminded of this quote by Anthony Bourdain, maybe you’ve already heard it before.

    “I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy.”

    And yes, don’t be too hard on yourself in the process.

    Liked by 1 person

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