Woah, Step Back!

I had to slow my roll this weekend… I started finding WordPress to be a place of stress rather than the community I had enjoyed for the last few years. No fault of anyone else’s, it’s something I put on myself in truth. I started feeling an obligation to keep up with everyone’s blogs and to be completely honest that just isn’t possible!

Life has really taken the wheel recently and I don’t have that routine I had when I was working full time in which I check WordPress every morning at 7:30. Now, days go by between my visits and some of you have posted four or five times by then (props to you, I can’t do it). This made me feel guilty for some reason; as if I had a responsibility to read everything that was posted. I get that way… WordPress is far from the first network in which I’ve had that impulse.

So I had to just take a minute and acknowledge what I was feeling and tell myself it’s not a big deal. Ever do that? It actually does work, sometimes.

I’m still very tired all of the time. I do start writing a blog post almost every day but can very rarely bring myself to finish it. The more serious and passionate I am about the topic, the less likely I am to finish it, coincidentally. I get halfway through and this feeling of all the life being sucked out of me creeps over my body, I tell myself nothing I’ve written appropriately captures what I want to say, and I erase it. That’s a good way to visualize a feeling I get quite frequently, actually. Like my body is a thermometer and my willpower is the mercury inside that almost instantly drains from my head right out of my feet… whenever I’m in the middle of something I truly care about. It’s been a real hurdle throughout my life.

Sometimes I win that fight though. Like tonight. I really wanted to stop writing half way through the last paragraph, lol. I’ll finish though… and publish this.

Tiny victories.