Maybe some people have noticed (or likely nobody noticed) that I’ve been writing very, very, very little lately! There are quite a few things I’ve wanted to write about but I never feel like I have the time to dedicate to writing something that does them any service. Taking Adderall is a roadblock as well because it gives me so much social energy that I rarely want to sit in front of my computer and write.
I’ve also gone through a sort of metamorphosis intellectually over the last couple of months so I don’t want to pour my soul out about the things that I’ve been thinking about until I’m sure of what my actual opinions are. I’ve definitely noticed, though, that all of my life I’ve allowed myself to be bullied and manipulated into saying that I agree with certain viewpoints and ideologies when down to my core I don’t at all. It’s hard to think for yourself, legitimately. There are a lot of biological and neurological processes that make being agreeable preferable. Everyone loves to believe that they’re “free thinkers” who form their own opinions but the overwhelming majority of people are always looking around to make sure it’s okay for them to believe what they believe. A big part of me is really over that game and I’ve been getting a lot of push-back because of it but that’s why independence is so uncomfortable and rare. Even science is just a politically correct mess these days. I don’t think we’re in a good place.