I’ve eaten a lot of food via DoorDash during COVID lockdown. A lot.

Yet somehow, despite ordering once a day for a time, I’ve actually managed to save up an incredible amount of money. Perhaps it’s due to being stuck at home and not impulse buying things at stores. It could also be because even though I ordered DoorDash every day, I only ate once a day opposed to ordering out multiple times a day, thanks to the Adderall diet.

Today was a bit of an adventure though and it brought out a bit of my vengeful side. I ordered a taco entree from the local Terrible Midwestern Mexican Restaurant and when my Dasher (we’ll call him Joel because that’s what doordash claims his name is) arrived he presented me with a lettuce box full of food.

Those of you who have never worked in a restaurant or grocery store might not know what a lettuce box is which would really limit your ability to see how befuddled I was as he stood their with his arms outstretched so I have included a photo for your records.

Picture this full of terrible Mexican food and we’re on the same page.

So anyway Joel, a boy tiny in both physique and demeanor, squeaked that he must have given my order to the wrong customer. Immediately my overactive mind attempted to puzzle out why you would accept a bag with one entree in it when you knew full well that you ordered $300 worth of catering but I let Joel go back to try to get my food even though I knew how this story was going to end.

He came back five minutes later and said that “Tia” had eaten my food. Of course she did. She probably shoveled it down her fat, gaping neck as fast as she could so she could finish it before you figured out your error and returned. She knew she was still getting her order.

I can’t really be mad at Joel. He looked like he was a few weeks shy of 12 years old and I’ve been a delivery driver myself; I know that accidents happen, especially when you’re obviously new at the job.

I do wish I had Tia’s address though.